Ok Junior, your stepmonster did what we all thought she would do. No number 8 for you. I say don’t panic, don’t look back and take advantage of the opportunity that is in front of you. That begins with embracing the number 5.

Now before you go and dismiss the idea, think about the upside. This is a single digit, prime number. All good things. It also has a racing history. No, I’m not talking about Terry Labonte Please. That is an easy shadow to live in compared to your father’s. No, I’m speaking about:

Don’t laugh. Speed Racer is the reason I fell in love with racing. And no car was ever as cool as the Mach 5. Think of the possibilities. Hidden saw blades, automatic jacks and an underwater breathing apparatus in case you ever end up in Lake Lloyd.

On another point, I have heard that you are interested in something in the 80’s range as a number. DON’T DO IT. There are no real good, aggressive numbers there. Kinda like the sloppy leftovers for old independent drivers like Roger Hamby and H.B. Baily. The only exception is the always cool double digited 88 campaigned by Yates, and you ain’t getting that either. And I know what you are thinking here. You are concerned for your tattooed fans. Although this is a very noble consideration, this shouldn’t be your primary concern when choosing your new numeralled identity. Besides, the tattooed legions can always adjust their ink with this simple overlay:

Those with the budget can always remove the parts of the 8 that are extraneous (I’m sure the guy at the tattoo establishment knows what that means). Not that bad a deal. After all, we all know what 8 minus 5 equals.

I expect that if you follow my advice and run the 5 we’ll see you in a nice Speed Racer paint scheme come Richmond next Spring. That’s about the time that Speed Racer The Movie will hit the big screen. Running that car (along with the juiced up effects my beloved Mountain Dew will provide) virtually guarantees you a spot atop the championship standings.